Vagabond

I sit in silence and suffer as I watch the world go by
Asking anyone and anything what is the antidote to my anguish
I fold my face into my hands and release a catastrophic cry
And pray for something to take this hell and watch it vanquish

Have I become a feeble postmodern vagabond
Traipsing all over the bodies I've harmed
Hiding and ducking in a heroin chic camouflaged
Pull down the facade and let me become unarmed

Devil's Hold

Swim to escape the Devil's grasp
All the while looking in the rear view
I can't seem to inhale or exhale as I swallow and gasp
...As I patiently wait for the Ghoul's purview

Delineate my failed fate
Armor me to the teeth so I may prevail
I won't take his bait
No longer allowing addiction to confine me within this jail

Sadness

I'm swallowed by sadness
What's my disease
Enveloped in a tent of blackness
That's brought me to my knees

Decompose my dying soul
Lay my head down to get well
I've already paid the Devil's toll
I think I hear the cacophony of the death bell

Fool

I became a pencil sharpener for your lies
Stifled by your dubious deeds and deceit
As you witnessed my soul's demise
And kept a tight grasp on my life's receipt

How can I fight you
I smiled to hold back the tears
A medically imbalanced guru
As I clung to you for years

Numbing Defeat

Who needs to eat as my body lays here in defeat
Feel the omnipotent prick of the sterile stick
As I fall into a sweet retreat
And fade away with the clock as it ticks
Numb this inauspicious pain away
Even if it's only for the day
Why can't this emotion stay

Satyr

Am I as ugly on the outside as I have become on the interior?
Where is my deity's match, my Satyr?
Perhaps it's a lapse in esteem; denoting me inferior
It's not as if I've been deemed bestial by catarrh
In fact, my nose nicely juxtaposes my face
Perhaps it's karma plaguing me
Relinquishing my ability to nullify my space
So I sit and wait for duality by the sea
And plea that I may find someone that may understand
What it would be like to gain, lose, and resurrect
Take me by the hand, let me take your command
So we may connect and correct all of our defects

Damask Veil

I'm like a peacock whose feathers are always ruffled
A beautiful mess, in her vintage best; perpetually askew
Battling each and everyday in her own personal scuffle
What's the meaning of life if I am only to feel morose
Veiled and shielded by a blackened damask curtain
That's why I'm in constant search for life's last dose
As I wander through this world thats been deemed  so uncertain

Climax with a Platonic Lament

You're OK now, you're on the right way
As I sit and write you this platonic lament
Where all of my choices have yet to be black or white, but gray
And you pray to your deities for my repent
So you wish upon me to sleep tight
And prosper with sweet dreams of ethereal tales of Grimms
All the while watching me destruct in your sight
So now go ahead and use me as your subject in one of your harmonious hymns

Every Me

The shame is confining me
As I have journeyed through my self inflicted vandalism spree
I shrivel under the spot light
My body has given up its last fight
Bruise my tortured soul
While I question if I will ever be whole
Bound by the chains of my choices
Now I hear the yawl of the devils' voices
Pining to be in remission
So tell me it will come to fruition

Bleeding

My heart is bleeding
Overtaken by a melancholy disposition
My desires and passions have become far too exceeding
Tactfully servile in submission

Teach me teacher how to live
Let me rise above this spiritually malice being
So I"m not thrust to malignantly connive
And have a soul worth freeing

You

I miss the cacophony of your voice
The oblivion and numbness in my head
Did we ever need an excuse or a choice
Why does my body have to be fed

Tell me your lies and wisdom
As I sit and wallow in my own misery
I'm just a plebeian in your feudal system
Please don't let me repeat my history

Inner Beast

My inner beast is brawling
I hear a clamor and a shroud of silence
My heart jitters and it starts falling
It's the muffled sounds of belligerence

Its' commencement is calling
Shush and muffle it
Don't you find it appalling
Why can't my soul cease and quit

Candyland

A lavender room
Rife with a consoling zoom
A snapshot in time
Void of a semblance of sublime
We're all here armored with our pallid faces
Lacking the rudiments of any graces
Tentatively trembling like a pseudo Dandy
Here girl take Willy Wonka's candy
Retreat back into the left corner of your soul
Just like a voyeuristic dole
Enveloped by our bestial appetite for consumption
Why must I be prone to destruction

Undone

Look at the work the needle has done
And now I hear the echoes of the communal shun
Violate my will and my fate
What's my life worth in gold's weight
Open up and discover the corner's of my mind
What's beyond my eyes that shine
Perhaps my gaping whole is vacant
The signs were all there laying blatant
Unwrap my wounds that have become scathed
Eradicate my self worth as I bathed
Denote who I have become
As I watch Gretel leave behind a crumb

Take A Look at My Life

Heart, sweat, and shake
What's this world I take
Where's my vessel
This life is a struggles wrestle
Deliberate bleakness
Strip away my facade and find my weakness
Living in a fish bowl of sorts
What more of me can you extort
Alleviate my pain
Find the address to my domain
Just let me lay my head in shame
And make this litany of last words be my claim to fame

The Commencement

I have created this blog to divulge my escapades with battling heroin.  There will be a melange of poems that encapsulates my battle with the hold opium had on my life...